by Delia Passi, Founder of WomenCertified

I sure do shake a lot of hands. I love meeting people and because I do a lot of networking I get introduced to lots of people. What most people don’t realize is that the first step in meeting someone, the shaking of hands, is when a very important unspoken message is conveyed between those two people. How you shake hands says a lot to the other person about who you are and how you feel about them.

If your handshake is too far off the middle ground, it speaks volumes. A lot of men complain about the men who attempt to crush their hands as if to say “I am the alpha male. I will dominate you!” Of course it might also mean “I am intimidated by you. I must deceive you into thinking I am stronger than I am.” I’d love to introduce two hand-crushers and watch their interaction.

We women don’t get our hands crushed too often. Instead, all too often, we get a wimpy little finger squeeze. Men, thinking that we are delicate little flowers, often give us a limp hand or that kind of two fingers and a thumb press. What does that tell me when I am trying to do business with you? That you don’t think I’m up to the job? That I don’t deserve a little respect? In all likelihood that’s not really what you think, but it’s what your handshake is telling me.

Let’s get this much straight. I want respect and fair consideration. If you’re prepared to give me that, then tell me with your handshake. Stick to the middle ground. Save the competitive bone crushers for someone else (or spare them too). Take my hand firmly by the palm and give it a squeeze that wouldn’t bruise a banana. Look me in the eye and let me know, wordlessly, that you want to treat me with respect. Immediately we’re off to a good start.

Now, one last point. Women aren’t always going to shake your hand as firmly as I’ve just told you to shake theirs. Some will give you limp hand. Make adjustments as you sense their handshaking style, but don’t go limp even if she does. You still have a message to convey. And she will be paying attention.

Have a question or want my take? Email me

Next week: Giving Her the Eye!